‘Again!’  because the first one’s at http://momentofzen.in/2012/02/11/news-rant-1/ Since it was a while back, it’s a little irrelevant. But then so is the news. So yeah.

 

There’s something about Delhi that makes me loathe TV news. It probably has something to do with the fact that there actually IS a TV here, but maybe that’s just me. This piece is based on the assumption that I am right.

 

All media is getting worse (is or are? :O) Even national newspapers are declining at a pretty steady rate. The crossword is suddenly the only worthwhile thing in Pune Mirror. That and PBS. But with the kinds of things they’re publishing, what do you expect me to think? Also they proclaim to be experts on a particular Sunny Leone. Snigger, snigger. Smirk, smirk.

 

TV news, on the other hand, is behaving much like the stalls of Palika Bazaar or Fashion Street (Pune equivalent not found. Let me know, eh?)

They’ll try anything to get you to watch them. Disappointingly, even India TV has turned to real news. Do you remember the time they’d show snakes screwing? Or all that magic and possession and the villagers’ equivalent of Harry Potter (more at Twilight) ? Or Mika and Rakhi on loop? Try as I might, Baba Ramdev just doesn’t cut it for Paris Hilton. Rajat Sharma, yeh kya kiya aapne?

Remember the good old days?
Remember the good old days?

 

So there are news channels with 5 minute 25 khabrein and 15 minute 100 khabrein and all. What the fuck is this supposed to be? Am I supposed to calculate your efficiency or something? Clearly there is some higher order statistics involved, this probably is good news for those sick of overanalysing Sachin’s records. He’ll get his 100 in Austrailia baba, what’s so hard to understand in that? Did you see the crowd at Wankhede? Rajat Sharma gets more when he walks on the street. Without his lovesnakes.

What, you thought I was making words up?
What, you thought I was making words up?
 

Anyway, the 100 khabrein was a bit of a stretch. First of all, it is NOT ordered. Manmohan Singh’s views on China were followed by shots of a bear who climbed atop a garbage truck in the States. I kid you not. One cannot make this shit up, you see. Karzai’s warning to Pak was followed by a girl run over by a car in China.

Although the government tried its best to save her.
Although the government tried its best to save her.

 

 

Now see, I have a hard time deciding which of the two is more irrelevant.  I’m pretty sure lots of people were run over here and now, I think I hear a screech as I type. What’s wrong with showing our people run over? They’d even give you an interview, burn some effigies for you, and Baba Ramdev would probably take up the cause. Come on guys. Swadeshi.

This is from the time when they killed Mihir on Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. Again.
This is from the time when they killed Mihir on Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. Again.

 

They found kids being chained and indoctrinated at a Madrassa in Pakistan. Weird shit, seriously. They were drugged up too. This sort of news deserves attention. But this preceded something about Katrina’s new item song (and a paua on a belt she wore) so yeah I forgot. Hey, it’s Katrina. We’re used to Rakhi and Ramdev. She’s a luxury.

After years of  this, I don't blame myself.
After years of this, I don’t blame myself.

 

Ramdev reminds me. Remember the time he put on a woman’s clothes and escaped the Ramlila Maidan, later saying he didn’t want to die like a wolf or FOR NARNIA or something. As my cousin says, “Koi aurat ke kapde le ke toh ghoomta nahin hai. Isne pehne hain, toh kisis ke utre honge. Pata lagao aur ise jail me daalo, indecent exposure at a public place. Delhi Police, withyouforyoualways.”

NOT my cousin.
NOT my cousin.
 

Also, I feel sad for Chidambaram. I mean, God knows how much a married man gets to speak at home. Upar se they don’t let him speak at the Parliament. Bechara. He’ll do a Virginia Tech someday. Not much of value will be lost 😉

There used to be a real funny picture here but someone called Sibal called me.
There used to be a real funny picture here but someone called Sibal called me.

 

And there’s this new Hanuman serial (again.) They speak Urdu, dude. Jamwant using words like Zaroor and Tarha? I mean, someone read the script over, right? Right? No, they were too busy laughing at how the Reechh’s wife is human and the scene where she says she didn’t recognise him. This was made by Ramanand Sagar’s grandson. I guess some characteristics don’t pass down. In which case, Rajat Sharma needs a successor. Who will save us from the pretentiousness of daily news?

The total TRP of this image is over 9000!
The total TRP of this image is over 9000!

 

The man who’s seen more ghosts than Aahat’s director. The man who’s seen more Gods than Ramanand Sagar. The man who’s seen more animals screwing than Bear Grylls. The man who’s seen more Rakhi Sawant than … uh .. never mind.


“What? News? What’s that?”

Rajat Sharma, the Avenger, we need you.

 

Oh and there was some video of a husband-wife duo who managed to drive their car into a pond in Delhi. Yes, they found an open pond on Delhi. They didn’t mention who was driving though.

 

Anyway, yeh TV bhi kuchh hi dinon ka mehman hai. Actually I’m the mehmaan in question, soon it’ll be back to Pune. Sleepytown. Yawn.

 

So have fun and stay safe, don’t become news items in China okay?

Hey, for your PR. News items here are much cooler.
Hey, for your PR. News items here are much cooler.

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