Let me tell you some cold hard truths about the word Fashion.

People love it. Live by it. Fear it. Hate it. Resent it. But you cannot escape it.

Clothing is a basic necessity. I cannot count the number of times girls’ve come up to me with overly done outfits and said ,’Oh this? This is something i found lying around in my wardrobe.’ Please. We’re not stupid. Acting like you’re not a complete brand who*e/label worshipper doesn’t make you effortlessly cool. It makes you incredibly stupid.

Many people live by the misconception that branded clothes are like, I don’t know, bullet proof armour. When you’re wearing that $4000 dollar Chanel original, you think you’re going to look fabulous irrespective of the bad make up, mismatched jewellery and clumpy heels? No. You will get shot down by people like me in around 4 and a half seconds. Wear the brand, don’t let the brand wear you. Women dress up their wardrobes, rather than themselves. That hideously expensive sequined dress that could probably feed a third world country is sitting at the back of your wardrobe because you DON’T know how to wear the damn thing. DRESS YOURSELVES. And maybe I’ll feel the urge to stop wearing blinders when i walk around certain parties.

So. Here are 10 of the most common misconceptions that really get to me when it comes to fashion. If these don’t make you reassess your wardrobe, then I don’t know what will.

 

10. Minimalistic clothing works for every situation. The first thing to understand is that minimalistic does not equate to simple. Minimalistic merely refers to a statement making outfit that doesnt require much of a focal point to get noticed. No heavy accessories or make up. This works for a lot of situations, but please dont think you’re making a statement by turning up to your best friends 21st birthday party in jeans and a tee. That doesn’t say, ‘Hey, look at me, minimalistic is my style statement.’ It’s something more along the lines of , ‘Hey, look at me, my dry cleaners couldn’t honour their deadline.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prolly Tiny Penis

9. Shades go with absolutely every conceivable outfit you own. Uh-huh. They should be worn with caution, people. If you dont have the confidence to pull it off, you’ll end up being the laughing stock of your college/area. Leave them at home. Or at the bottom of your purse. Whatever works for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

MixNMathcFail

8. Mixing prints make you Funk-eh. Nope, they just make you look like the pattern police want a ‘What NOT to’ demonstration.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Batgirl much? 

7.Dramatic eye make up is a 9-5 look. If you’re a racoon-panda hybrid, sure. Overdoing the liner doesn’t bring OUT your eyes, it makes you look like you just got punched.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We can hear/see you people coming a mile off.

6. Mix and match jewellery is the bomb. It is. Retro is still in. Flashy chains, and big pendants. But an overdose? Well. We can hear/see you people coming a mile off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. Bed hair is easy to achieve. Bed hair does not refer to the hair you wakeup with. It’s a teased and tweaked version of the same. They have PRODUCTS to make you look like you just woke up. Rise and shine, people. The ‘messy’ look doesn’t mean the ‘mangled’ look. So please, brushing your hair before you step out doesnt make you uncool. It’ll save us a lot of mental trauma. And the urge to hand you a bottle of shampoo.

 

 

 

 

 

4. Heels are classic fashion They are, no denying that. But heels do not go with : * Capris * Below the knee skirts * Above mid thigh shorts * That-dress-you-bought-last-summer-but-never-got-to-wear-because-it-was-too-long-but -now-its-short-so-heels-make-it-look-shorter-and-therefore-more-fetching. There’s a thin line stretching into vulgarity. Draw it.

 

 

 

 

 

3. Not caring what the world thinks about your outfit is one thing. Not thinking about your outfit is an ENITRELY different thing. So, the next time you wanna walk out the house with those bright orange shorts, your questionable slogan t-shirt, bubble-gum pink eye shadow and army combat boots, think again. People who are desperately trying to visualise this look, stop already. There are better things to think about.

 

 

 

 

 

2. Eating bread crusts give you curly hair. Brussel sprouts make your eye-lashes grow longer. Green beans make you taller. Curd makes your skin glow. Cornflakes make you run faster. Please. These were methods used by your mother to make you eat the foods you resented. Nothing more.

 

 

 

 

 

1. Finally. Buying branded clothing on sale makes you cool. Again, you’re dressing up your wardrobe, not yourself. Stop trying to squeeze yourself into that size 2 if it DOESN’T fit you. If you’re a size bigger, buy another dress, from another store, WITHOUT a brand. You’re basically paying hundreds of dollars/pounds/rupees/yen for a tiny little 2*4cm piece of fabric with a brand name on it. Stop being such brand whor*s people, it makes me sick. See what i mean?

 

 

 

 

These are the basics. Follow them, and we may actually make the world a better place to live, reduce crime rates and achieve world peace. I think so, at any rate. I’ve seen some true crimes against humanity when it comes to outfits. Those girls should not be given a credit card. And the first step to change, is accepting the fact that some of the stuff you wear has seen better days. Or shouldn’t even be in your wardrobe.

 

 

This was the first post of  avanteungarded, she will be posting on fashion and whatever she likes. Her posts will be bi-monthly, if not more.

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